Feet on the Ground

( Private to Jack )

My uncle is batshit insane. I'm actually looking forward to going to the Bell's. Katie, you know I love you, right? We got back to the house after our trip to Ireland to find it in complete disarray and unidentified substances all over the kitchen surfaces which we suspect came from within the cauldron he was cowering behind... I... Have No Words.

And you don't want to know about last night's pea incident. In retrospect, it's probably very funny. But at the time, it was very annoying and irksome to have peas being pegged at the back of your head whilst you are attempting to dissuade your mother from baking a cake (or she would so burn the house down) and not being able to do anything about it. Respecting your elders can be so overrated.

So, there, Demelza and Ginny. I don't hail from a sane home after all.

Oh, bother. Only a few more days of school left, and I've got a nasty cold. And yeah, I went to Pom-Poms, and she confirmed I didn't have that weird virus that was going around earlier.

I'm going to crawl back under the covers and I don't plan on emerging until lunch.

My Inner Eye seems to be suffering its usual bout of cloudiness. How... don'tlaugh don'tlaugh don'tlaugh unfortunate... oh, fuck, I can't stop laughing it is... that... my crystal ball is showing me signs of my impending doooooom. By spoons. Perhaps someone shall strap a spoon to a Pygmy Puff, or drops a tonne of spoons on my head?

Is there a place to get my Inner Eye back into focus, Professor Trelawney?

In other news, I am really, really happy. And no longer single.

( Private to Self )

Demelza, if you're so bored, why don't you go out flying, for heaven's sake? Stop throwing stuff at me! Or, Merlin forbid, do something useful and VISIT Ginny. Or go snog someone - just leave ME alone.

( Private to Jack )

*

Uh... Does anyone know why Quintus Harper is glaring at me and basically acting like a bird of prey to my mouse? Because I'm telling you - the mouse did nothing wrong! Well, it did, but it's none of his business.

( Private to Jack )

*

( Private to Demelza )

*

( Private to Katie )

I still have drinking songs stuck in my head. Cadwallader and Demelza, I blame you two entirely.

Oi, Jack - you have Anger Management Classes?? Hah!

( Private to Sixth Years, sans Jack and Quintus )

... Shit. Some third year's brought their pygmy puff down to play.

"Kindly remove the pygmy puff from my presence. Both it and I are allergic to each other," said I.

"That's ridiculous," protested the third year, "Yeh can't be allergic to pygmy puffs."

In reply, I sneezed.

"All you need is to get acquainted with it. Go on - give it a pet," she coaxed, approaching me - deadly pygmy puff perched on her shoulder.

"Er - I'm being serious," I interjected - backing away and sneezed again. "Pygmy puffs and I are not a good combination."

Undeterred, she strode forward. "Just give it a pet, go on!" she added forcefully, shoving it under my nose.

I looked down at the ball of fluff, peering up at my with its small beady eyes - and sneezed.

"YOU HATEFUL BOY!" the third year screeched. "YOU SNEEZED ALL OVER HER! WHAT DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU?"

Someone kindly remove the third year from my presence? Her ranting is of the Demelza Robins calibre.

Easter at the Bell's house was intense. And chaotic. And a little bit scary too. Don't let Katie's tinyness fool you!

But now - I'm sick. There are tissues everywhere and I can't stop sneezing. Don't make me go to the Hospital Wing. Please! Oh - wait, now I can see why. Ginny, could you please come and collect your pygmy puff? You know I'm allergic.

So - what have I missed? And what's this play Demelza won't shut up about? And how do I get her to shut up again without bribing her with chocolate (which I have run out of) or hexing her (which is just plain mean)?

( Andrew Digory Kirke - Further Information )